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Music genres as foods

posted 2021.12.13

Radio pop: pizza

Most people like pizza. Even if you don’t like it, you’ll probably still eat it sometimes. Even bad pizza is usually tolerable. But most pizza isn’t some kind of gourmet culinary experience. It’s no exquisite delicacy, and certainly not a health food. It’s something to serve at parties, and fittingly upbeat for it.

Rock: burger

The quintessential American food. It’s what you serve at a 4th of July party. It has almost the same widespread appeal as pizza, but it’s at least sometimes labeled as “gourmet”. And like rock music, it’s slightly masculine coded for some reason.

Classic rock: steak

It’s a classic for a reason. It’s fancier than a burger, and lots of people would say steak is their favorite food. Not many people really dislike steak, but not everyone really cares for it.

Yacht rock: well-done steak

It’s like a steak, but with less flavor. For some people that’s a plus.

Alternative rock: sub sandwich

It’s like a burger, but has some of its own tendencies that make it a little different. There are sub sandwiches that taste nothing like each other but are labeled under the same category anyway.

Christian rock: meatloaf

Most people don’t eat meatloaf, and if they do, it’s often because someone else made it for them. There can still be good meatloaf, but there is no such thing as gourmet meatloaf. It is similar to burgers but not quite the same.

Punk: hot dog

Like a burger but simpler and even less fancy. Mostly popular among young people.

Pop-punk: corn dog

Somehow even hot dogs look fancy by comparison. But hey—if it tastes good, it tastes good.

Metal: hard liquor

A lot of people find it repulsive or hard to drink. The people who do like it are either rebellious young people or connoisseurs who drink it for the taste. There are a ton of different types or subtypes, and to the uninitiated they will all taste like alcohol.

Rap: potato chips

Very popular, especially among young people. It has flavor, but in a different sense than, say, a burger. Like burgers and pizza, it’s appropriate to bring to a party. Some parents are weird and won’t allow you to have it.

Pop rap: pizza rolls

Pizza in snack-food form. People over 35 mostly don’t get it.

Reggaeton: burrito

Latin-influenced, but merged with popular American styles. You can find it just about anywhere in the Americas, but especially in Spanish speaking places.

Blues: fried chicken

A classic, un-pretentious food, originating from the Southern US and inspired by both European and African traditions.

New Orleans jazz: jambalaya

Originates from Louisiana. It’s hearty and a little festive.

Soul: chili

There’s a reason for the name “soul food”.

R&B: mac and cheese

Can definitely be soul food, but kids tend to prefer the mass-produced stuff.

Country: barbecue

A quintessentially American cuisine. Every midwestern / southeastern state has its own tradition of it.

Pop country: chain restaurant barbecue

I’m sure some of the chains are good, but for the most part it is a commercialized, mediocre version of barbecue.

Bluegrass: cornbread

A good complement to other traditional American cuisine. Pretty plain on its own. Feels vaguely Appalachian.

Folk: stew

It can be one of a thousand different things depending on what part of the world you are in. But usually it is simple and homey.

House: beer

The main thing you will probably have at a nightclub. That’s because it gets you in the mood to party. There’s good beer, but they might not be serving it.

Dance pop: soda

A sweeter, kid-friendly version of beer. Appropriate in a much wider range of social situations.

EDM: candy

Makes no pretenses: it is sweet, and that is why you are eating it. No time for savory flavors when you’re tryin to party.

Dubstep: Warheads

It’s still candy, but it’s sour and that’s the whole point. I don’t know any adults who like it.

Hyperpop: Monster energy

Has the aesthetic of a 15-year-old kid who’s mad at their parents for taking away the Xbox until their grades go up. Sugary and high energy.

PC Music: pure sugar

Unadulterated sweetness. Disgustingly sweet. Wow it is sweet. but kinda good sometimes??

Classical: vegetables

Pretty bland, but quite healthy for you. Some people find vegetables interesting on their own, but they could usually use a bit of something else to spice it up. Vegetables are a pretty old type of food.

K-Pop: bubble tea

Comes from East Asia and is newly becoming popular in the United States. Mostly young people and Asian people drink it. Most old people still don’t know what it is. Pretty sweet-tasting.

Psychedelic rock: weed brownie

It’s not so much about the flavor of the brownie as the vibe you reach with it. It’s not something you pay much active attention to eating, though it does taste pretty good.

Lo-fi hip hop: Arizona iced tea

Not something you would pay conscious attention to the taste of. Cheap to make and easy to find.

Golden oldies: hard candy

Mostly eaten by old people. There’s not a lot going on, and it’s pretty sugary.

Elevator music: cucumber water

It gives the hint that it’s almost flavored, that maybe it tasted like something in a past life, but no matter what you do you will never taste any real flavor in it.

Lowercase music: smelling cucumber water but not drinking it

It kind of smells like cucumber? If you focus really hard? But mostly you can’t smell anything, and you sure as hell can’t taste anything.

Lullaby: mashed peas

Parents feed it to their toddlers. I don’t know why else anyone would eat it.

Metal machine music: actual metal

mmm