note 228

aesthetic: life satisfaction

note 227

excess deaths don’t tell you everything. covid numbers are higher than they seem due to the reduced rate of sidewalk-crack accidents

note 226

for every hour i spend optimizing my website to make it run better on mobile, thirty other developers are intentionally making their company’s mobile pages harder to use so you’ll download the app

note 225

i have heard the phrase “dollars to donuts” multiple times lately, is this the exchange rate for some new cryptocurrency

note 224

do liberals realize that Saturday Night Live is an anagram for Saturday Night EVIL??

note 223

moved 2 the swamp a couple years ago. sad to learn that swamp politics are dominated by the capital of the swamp. when will anyone think of the outskirts of the swamp

note 222

BREAKING: woman who claims to have grown a bunch with record number of bananas on it revealed to have glued 14 bananas on by hand

note 221

athenian plays not showing violence onstage because “it’s obscene” is an awfully convenient excuse for “we can’t afford special effects”

note 220

i started using the unix time at update release to version my software package, but i’m realizing this may not be a sustainable solution in 20 years

note 219

a more apt name for pangram would be ‘pangramqwetyuiosdfhjklzxcvb’

note 218

(me doin a good thing) “man! my BSR [bird to stone ratio] is off the charts today”

note 217

calling someone a snack is a complement, but it gets dicey if you’re too specific about it. what i’m saying is, sorry to the person i compared to a bag of Trader Joe’s Pringles

note 216

they should ask Jo Jorgensen whether she’ll concede the election if she loses

note 215

if you answer questions badly so they don’t select you for jury duty, they will write down your name. if you get tried yourself, they know your peers are the least appealing jury candidates available

note 214

Esnx hinyfr paebqqff: Gnmvm cpi sud akkowam gx hss chx zmywmsgzqz. Detsq uz gqys wazqzgwug, jk’p tkof hb xqkqqnsaj fpg jpzyuiqpk iofnfiiw.

D25Y

ZMFWY

WicjkdXkwt

note 213

evade data collectors by encrypting your communications. vigenere cipher for my next tweet is BONGMICE

note 212

fantasy authors make up place names that mean things like “Home of the Broad-Necked Eagles,” which is cool but a more realistic meaning would be something like “it means Big Town but in a different language”

note 211

u know she freaky if she got that vagina dentata

note 210

disappointing to watch my brethren unwittingly hasten their doom. fools, the lot of them! i hasten mine wittingly

note 209

this water is gonna leave my body ASAP! (As Soon As Pissable)