shortform

note 160

electric car parking lot slogan: “We charge it for you and then charge you for it”

note 159

Q: What is the difference between a petrochemical engineer and a small pepperoni pizza? A: A petrochemical engineer can feed a family of four.

note 158

now, i don’t condone violence, but i must note that by far the best vegetable for pummeling one’s foes is the humble Squash.

note 157

have the croatoan mystery people ever considered that maybe the tree just grew like that?

note 156

girl scouts who don’t take venmo aren’t even trying tbh

note 155

so hard to get good wort these days

note 154

i would photosynthesize for myself but it’s cheaper to outsource it

note 153

one of my hobbies is Holding A Mirror Up To Society

note 152

take your funk playing to a new level with Spank Bass technique

note 151

New CDC exercise guidelines: “please, anything, we’re begging you”

note 150

the new trendy baby name for is Jar Jar

note 149

nowadays you have to get car insurance insurance, for if you forget to buy car insurance but you drive a car anyway

note 147

happy birthday! i got you an extra special gift. …that’s right, it’s stock options from my startup

note 148

the world’s oldest profession is actually banker. look it up

note 146

the michelin man is named bibendum. i am not making this up

note 145

scientists are devising new colors of orange juice in colors that are not orange

note 144

air mattresses are nice but when are we going to get other air furniture

note 143

if i name my son Damian do i have to put a Jr at the end

note 142

the naughty and nice list are just constructs of the ruling class designed to keep us divided so we never realize the common enemy

note 141

i am on the keta diet. that means only ketamine, all the time