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note 287


when i play “She loves me, she loves me not”, i always make sure to pick a flower with an odd number of petals. this is what i call “gaming the system”

note 286


happy hour is cool but can we maybe make the happiness a bit longer

note 285


cream could have been labeled ‘35% milk’

note 284


i have gamified remembering my schedule by turning my calendar into a sporcle quiz

note 283


(me, after naming my kid Damien Jr) “please, Damien is my son. you can call me Mr. Snyder”

note 282


the army could save a lot of money if they stopped buying so many tanks and guns

note 281


we always call them “t-r-e-a-t”s in my household, unless we don’t want the dog to understand, then we call them treats

note 280


one of my hobbies is buying ice cream from the grocery store

note 279


(going to jail in 2027) “Your personal liberties account has been terminated due to a violation of the United States Terms of Service (USToS). Please see our FAQ for more information.”

note 278


2001: A Space Odyssey and 1984 are set in the past now. that is why i would only set a story in a time that will never become the past, like 2046

note 277


what is a good way to get a lot of social validation

note 276


Carnegie Mellon University is named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon. seems like they should have named it Andrew University

note 275


i’m a gnelf you’ve been gnelfed

note 274


going to get vaccinated and not move my arm around at all afterwards. who can stop me

note 273


new olympic race: there is no finish line. if you get lapped, you’re out of the race. last one standing wins

note 272


a good question to ask on a first date is “describe your utility function in three sentences or less.” this helps you see if you are compatible without getting bogged down in the details

note 271


easiest way to activate my fight or flight response is to get a call and your ringtone is the same sound effect as my morning alarm. I Am Not Asleep, and I Must Wake Up

note 270


winning a gaming match is pretty passion fruit orange and guava, if you ask me

note 269


every section of a newspaper is the gossip section

note 268


never consume, it makes cons out of u and me