note 572
dude, did you just offer me a Corona? like, the beer whose name is part of the word coronavirus? no way, dude. keep your disease beer to yourself
note 570
if you’re not with me you’re against me. and if you don’t love me you hate me. you HATE me!!!!!!!!
note 571
didn’t you know, officer? it’s national speeding day
note 567
we don’t need pop culture. we can get rid of it at this point
note 568
the cement is rapidly solidifying around me. but that’s neither here nor there
note 569
i think it would be a fun plot point if a few MLB players missed games because of jury duty each season
note 566
would you like to join my malign list
note 565
robbing peter to pay the pickled pepper
note 564
you have NO intangibles, NO x-factor, and not even a LICK of je ne sais quoi!!!
note 562
i once tried being green. it was trivial for me
note 563
well if it’s not important, then why do i think about it so much? checkmate
note 561
me and my boys just posted up in the most nutrient dense part of the substrate
note 559
P.T. Barnum [suddenly getting sentimental]: a sucker dies every minute
note 560
why would i check my spam folder for your message. did you send me spam?
note 557
my hindsight is 20/80. what the hell happened, man
note 558
being a cheerleader sounds like fun. smiling, dancing, waving around pom poms. what’s not to like
note 556
sitting in my chair and waiting for the future
note 554
just got a voucher that says i’m not traffic
note 555
latest gen smart phones are microwave safe
note 553
my bad habit is i involuntarily smile when people tell me bad news from their lives. like i’m so sorry for you but i’m so happy that you told me <3