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notes

note 307

2021.07.08

(band t-shirt) if you mess with the tuba section, you get the horns

note 306

2021.07.06

being at the North Pole is hard mode for Ramadan

note 305

2021.07.04

methamphetamines are legal and very healthy. i am a lawyer and a doctor, and this is both legal and medical advice

note 304

2021.07.02

in case bouncers don’t believe my fake ID, i have a fake birth certificate to corroborate

note 303

2021.06.30

going to stop calling people ‘out of my league,’ now that i have been called up to the Major League of Being Hot

note 302

2021.06.28

“I Am Malala” is cool but the main character seems like sort of a self insert…

note 301

2021.06.26

when the temperature hits 100 degrees in Seattle, the forecasters say, “Warning: Excessive Heat.” when it hits 100 in Phoenix, they say, “Warning: You Live In Arizona”

note 300

2021.06.25

when im president, the only requirement for trans men to have their gender officially recognized will be to solemnly swear to uphold the Bro Code

note 299

2021.06.24

if you read the first letter of every question on the SAT, it spells out a riddle, and if you get the riddle right they give you a full ride to Harvard immediately

note 298

2021.06.23

ppl really out here in 2021 writing songs that don’t rhyme 😂🤣

note 297

2021.06.22

can the mods of /r/thanksobama reopen the sub? i just thought of a good one

note 296

2021.06.21

i’m writing a new thinkpiece. it’s like the 95 Theses but for capitalism

note 295

2021.06.20

iif your city’s sports teams lose enough games, it gets renamed to Bitchtown until they start winning again

note 294

2021.06.18

if i had a time machine, i would go to 2013 and slow-motion tackle my earlier self in the moments just before posting cringe

note 293

2021.06.17

the US Bureau of Indian Affairs has found a loophole in their treaties where, instead of returning actual land rights, they return an NFT of the land rights instead

note 292

2021.06.16

seeing 1 spider: chill, go get em champ. seeing 2 spiders: who are you and what do you want from me

note 291

2021.06.13

what do fish need bones for. theyre in water. just like, flop around

note 290

2021.06.11

i recorded the Super Bowl because i was busy that day. going to watch it now and see who won

note 289

2021.06.10

can i get one of those big covers they drape on you when you get a haircut, but as street wear

note 288

2021.06.07

off-by-one errors in programming are cliché. i would only be off by three or more, if i made such an error