notes

note 341

big fan of asking where the bathroom is in a restaurant, the waiter says “oh you’ll need a key, let me get it.” they bring it back to you, the key is taped to a plastic spoon, they tell you “go into the hallway and take a right, it should be the third door, …” [1/18]

note 340

does Bruno Mars still play Count On Me in his live sets

note 339

if you’re not sure if you’re using an obscure word right, you can probably get away with it propitiously even if you’re wrong

note 338

going to let my phone get hacked then fix it and tell everyone “oops i got hacked” then use that as an icebreaker to start some conversations

note 337

the state may have a monopoly on violence, but i have a monopsony on it

note 336

hey, loser\u2014the 1930s called, they want their outfit back! they’re also not doing so great, they asked us to please send them some help

note 335

vtuber is internet slang for virtual potato

note 334

this is what pac-man looks like at a microscopic level https://t.co/6RqEvRM14T

note 333

i’m going to send you to hell, and then destroy hell

note 332

they both say, ‘Land, ho!’

thank you for your patience

note 331

what do a pirate and a rude air traffic controller have in common?

punchline coming tomorrow

note 330

android fuck off. jonkerOS runs on three TRILLION devices

note 329

loving these new Pokemon they added https://t.co/MeimJrHII8

note 328

when is congress gonna start writing some laws against Evil

note 327

new on the history channel: Andrew Johnson: Was He The Father Of Lyndon B. Johnson?

note 326

smoking, drinking and vaping right now. just to get it out of the way

note 325

turning 21 soon, can’t wait to find out what this whole “alcohol” thing is about

note 324

state lotteries are like a reverse welfare program

note 323

i like how weather websites try to do clickbait, but to stay on-brand they make it all weather-related clickbait

note 322

photorealistic martin egg https://t.co/56X1r3dzS0