notes

note 358

any time you go to a new dentist, the first thing you need to ask is: are they part of the 9 out of 10 who recommend things, or the 1 out of 10 who think they’re too good for that?

note 357

i show up to the party in a woodpecker costume. 3 beers in i am smashing my head into the drywall

note 355

apologies, i thought Daylight Saving Time was last night. in fact it is two weeks from now. expect to see a correctly timed Daylight Saving Time-themed tweet on Nov 7

note 356

well, that was another hour of my life I’ll get back

note 353

oh, this is a family recipe? what family member did you put in it

note 354

you can write messages encoded in base64, then pass it off as a keymash. anyway, today i was so angry that i was all like YnV4b20gYW5kIHJlYWR5IHRvIGZ1Y2sgc29tZQ==

note 352

every building should be required to have a skybridge to at least one other building

note 351

OMGGGGGGG #thisissotrue hahaaa tag your friend who needs to see this..... #friendgroup #drama

note 350

this is the flag for when horizontally you are prideful and vertically you are trans and diagonally you are bisexual

note 349

crimes committed inside a mcdonald’s are under jurisdiction of mcdonald’s law

note 348

Happy birthday! You’re super special, and I hope you have a great time.

(read this tweet on your birthday. you’re welcome!)

note 347

what if we vibed in Light Reign (Turrell, 2003, permanent skyspace and exterior illumination work)

note 345

can one of you armchair psychoanalysts tell me what it says about a person if they upload a real profile picture on Canvas

note 346

oh, you think the earth is flat? what about all the HILLS doesn’t look very flat to me huh?

note 344

gratitude journals should be mandated by law

note 343

everything unintuitive about switching between am/pm at 12:00 is immediately solved by a zero-indexed clock

note 342

television? oh, you mean the opiate of the masses? no, i don’t watch it

note 341

big fan of asking where the bathroom is in a restaurant, the waiter says “oh you’ll need a key, let me get it.” they bring it back to you, the key is taped to a plastic spoon, they tell you “go into the hallway and take a right, it should be the third door, …” [1/18]

note 340

does Bruno Mars still play Count On Me in his live sets

note 339

if you’re not sure if you’re using an obscure word right, you can probably get away with it propitiously even if you’re wrong